Why people should(n’t) move to D.C.

Why people don’t move to D.C.

  1. To find the love of their life. Everyone here is so caught up in their own success and your random Tinder dates will consist of you both bragging about how awesome you are while secretly hating how successful the other person is.
  2. To become sober. Being an alcoholic is basically a requirement for success.
  3. To reduce their cost of living. D.C. is one of the most expensive cities in the country. You WILL spend all of your money on rent and beer. Embrace it.
  4. To get away from politics. Don’t care about the primaries or what lobbyist is pushing for what bill? Too bad.
  5. To participate in local politics. Every other state has its own form of government. Here, the council does something a Congressman doesn’t like and they can block it. Oh and being able to vote? That’s not really a thing here. The founding fathers took the whole taxation without representation thing to a whole new level.

Why people do move to D.C. 

  1. For the cultural diversity. Want to see an art show? A Harry Potter themed burlesque show? Go a punk goth concert? Spend an evening listening to jazz? The options are limitless, as long as your wallet is bottomless.
  2. To feel good about themselves. Nothing says I’m helping the world become a better place like working for a nonprofit.
  3. For the brunch. Do I really need to say more?
  4. To be in the midst of the most powerful countries in the world.
  5. Because we don’t know any other place we’d rather be (except maybe NYC).

2 Replies to “Why people should(n’t) move to D.C.”

    1. This is a satire piece. I personally think the inequality in the city is appalling but it’s not something that people who live here for one or two years are going to fix.

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